I’m sure you’ve heard that pregnancy symptoms can be pretty crazy. Mood swings, morning sickness, exhaustion, just to name a few. But pregnant women and women who are trying to conceive should know about more symptoms than what is most commonly discussed. I want to talk about the stuff that requires you to be able to laugh at yourself. Like a lot.
This blog is not for the feint of heart. We’re gonna talk about vagina stuff, poop, and even unsightly body hair. My hope is that you will read this and it will 1) prepare you for what is to come during your pregnancy, and 2) give you a laugh and let you know that you’re not alone in your crazy pregnancy symptom experiences.
Congratulations! Your underwear is now brought to you by Elmer’s School Glue! But seriously… The discharge is real ladies. Your body chemistry changes so much when you’re pregnant, and because of those changes your underwear will suffer. It will suffer greatly.
The reason why vaginal discharge increases during pregnancy is because your vagina is working on protecting you and baby against infection and irritation. For many women, discharge will increase gradually throughout the pregnancy, peaking in the 3rd trimester. This means multiple panty changes per day, or you could just invest in Kotex and help keep the stock market prices up on panty liners; ‘cause you’re gonna need a lot of em.
Just remember, discharge is normal, but be on the lookout for funky stuff. Anything that seems out of the ordinary for color or smell might be something to talk to your doctor about. Yeast infections can happen during pregnancy, so be sure to chat with your doctor if you think something is off.
Okay internet. Here’s the real deal. Digestive problems during pregnancy are no joke. In fact, I would argue that digestive issues are probably among the most reported pregnancy symptoms and side effects. We all hear about morning sickness, but it is so, so much more than that. I’m talking bloating, gas, heartburn, nausea, vomiting, and poop. Your digestive system goes cuckoo for cocoa puffs during those 40 weeks. Hormone changes are a huge part of the symptoms, but as baby grows, your uterus pushes your organs into weird places. When those organs are displaced, it puts pressure on them. Thus, the crazy symptoms.
For me, this has resulted in some moderately embarrassing bodily functions, and one massively humiliating trip home from a burrito place. That’s right friends. You inferred correctly: I pooped myself. Thank God it happened while I was pregnant, because it gave me a good excuse to throw a pity party for myself (a.k.a. eat even more food thus increasing the potential for more poop). And I don’t think my husband would have felt as bad for me if I wasn’t pregnant; so he took pity on me and threw away my pants of shame so I didn’t have to walk out to our garbage can butt naked. Such a good man.
But the best part of this whole pooping-my-pants thing was finding out that I was not alone. When I told my best friend Raewyn about it, her reaction was not, “You’re a disgusting animal, you belong in a barn because you’re basically just a cow.” It was instead, “I need to read you this blog post,” and she proceeded to read The Day I Pooped My Closet from Five Kids is A Lot of Kids. This is why I love Rae. She read this blog with conviction, and hit all of the important aspects of the blog with hilarious accuracy, which told me that this was not the first time she had shared this content with a pregnant friend.
So basically, if you pooped yourself while pregnant, it’s okay and you’re not alone. Maybe just invest in some brown pants?
No, I’m not talking about the full, flowing locks that so pregnancy books claim that women receive during pregnancy. I’m talking about body hair, people. On your face, on your legs, on your arms, on your lady parts. Erry’where.
For example: sideburns. I love me a thick, luscious pair of sideburns. Someone who can rock sideburns? David Tennant. George Harrison. Elvis. Men in general.
Someone who does NOT want to rock sideburns? Me. Me, I don’t want them, please get them away from my face.
The worst part is that I’ve always had a little bit of peach fuzz on my face. No big deal. I’m a human, and peach fuzz is normal. But pregnancy has graced me with a lovely set of sideburns that not only go down the side of my face, but seem to connect to my hairline behind my ear, creating this lovely ring around my ear. So that’s nice. Honestly, nobody notices this ring around the ear but me, but it’s still a crazy pregnancy symptom that makes me laugh.
So what to do if you have excess hair that you’re not that fond of? Get yourself an appointment with an esthetician who is comfortable waxing pregnant ladies. Especially in the late 2nd and into the 3rd trimester. Because having to take breathing breaks while you’re shaving your legs is a little bit ridiculous.
Heightened sense of smell is a pretty common pregnancy symptom. But did you know that the way your body smells is also a side effect? Yup. Remember those body chemistry changes we talked about that cause increased discharge? Well they can also make your body smell a bit differently.
Case in point: I was relaxing on the couch with the dogs, and all of a sudden I got a whiff of something that smelled a bit like a mild cheese. And I was like, where is that coming from?!? At first I thought it was the dogs. I gave them each a hearty smell-down, much to their delight because they assumed I was playing “dog” with them, so they were ALL over that little scenario. But it wasn’t the dogs.
Maybe something spilled on the couch? Nope… nothing. What the heck… Omg… what if it’s me? It can’t be me. I shower or take a bath every day, there is no way I smell like dairy…
Ohhhhh wait a minute. Dairy. Breastmilk. Maybe my milk is coming in?
Yep. Not even a week later, I had leaky boobs. Which is another lovely side effect of pregnancy. But we’ll get into that in another post.
Changing body smells can be attributed to changing hormones, but it can also result from the food you are eating. What you put into your body can definitely change your body chemistry, especially if it is highly acidic or highly basic. And because you have a heightened sense of smell, you will be more sensitive to what your body smells like.
These are just a few symptoms that many women experience during pregnancy that require a decent sense of humor. I would love to know, what were your weirdest pregnancy symptoms that made you laugh?